Image via The Atlantic
I don’t know anything about football. I don’t know the rules, don’t understand what all the tackling and yard lines are about. I know what a touchdown is but that’s about it. I honestly have no idea what a quarterback does. But I would like to go to a Super Bowl party, because I like parties. Denis refuses to go to a Super Bowl party because he likes football.
“Everybody wants to talk at Super Bowl parties,” Denis gripes, whenever I show him an invitation. ”How are you supposed to watch the game?”
“Well, can’t you just watch what the players are doing even if people are talking?”
“NO, I want to be able to HEAR THE GAME.”
“Well, I guess some people like to talk about the game while it’s going on.”
“Yeah, those are the jerks I don’t want to listen to while I’m watching the game. And then you get the women in there and they talk and talk and talk.”
“That’s because it’s a party. What are we supposed to do, sit with our lips pursed and our hands folded on our laps?”
“No, you’re supposed to WATCH THE GAME. You can cheer for your team and make comments now and then, but there’s always the chick who wants everybody to know how much she knows about football and the guy who gets too drunk and the women who start talking about shit that has nothing to do with football…”
“How do you know so much about what happens at Super Bowl parties when we always decline invitations?” I asked him recently. “I’ve never been to a Super Bowl party. I’d like to go to one sometime.”
“What are you talking about, we’ve been to lots of Super Bowl parties.” Denis said, and when he reminded me of each one, I said, “That was a Super Bowl party? I thought it was just a party.” So I guess I must have been one of the people who talked and didn’t pay attention to the game.
This afternoon, I was talking to my sister Meg who is a huge football fan. I told her about Denis’s aversion to Super Bowl parties and she said, “I’m the same way. We won’t go to Super Bowl parties for the exact same reason. I can’t stand the people talking. So what are you making for the game?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Are you going to eat in front of the game or before or what?”
“Oh, I guess I’ll cook a couple of steaks. Denis can eat his in front of the game. I’ll probably watch a movie in the other room.”
There was an appalled silence, then Meg said, “Ann, it’s the Patriots playing. Do you really mean … is it possible…you’re not going to watch? You’re going to let Denis watch it alone?”
“I don’t know what they’re doing!” I said.
“That’s just not acceptable. You can learn. It’s your duty as an American. It’s like saying, ‘I don’t know how to cook a turkey so we’re not celebrating Thanksgiving.”
I don’t think it’s the same.
Is it?
Refreshing and hilarious
Yes… It is your duty as an American to provide good food and keep your mouth shut. As long as your cheering for the right team, you can do that once in a while. I don’t really get football, either. I just say “That’ll movethe chains!” and “What a BS call!” every now and then. That’s my advice.
This, in a nutshell, is why I love Denis…in a manly way, of course.
And Ann, you’re still the cat’s pajamas…even though you apparently don’t know squat about football.
I feel the same way about Oscar parties. I’m one of the five people in the world who actually ENJOYS hearing peoples’ speeches.
And while I care nothing for football, I’m sorry to say that yes, it’s America’s holy day. And IS the same as not celebrating Thanksgiving because you can’t cook a turkey. That’s why I thank God for the commericals.
What game?..there’s a football game on today??? lol
Me: His name is DE Jason Pierre-Paul?
Husband: (rolls eyes) D-E, defensive end, Peach.
Clueless? Raises hand.
ANN! Google pictures of Tom Brady, who throws the ball.
In other words, ROOT FOR THE CUTE.
Love,
The Chick Who Likes to Let Everyone Know How Much She Knows About Football
I’m with you Ann, I go to the parties for the party and let my husband yell at the TV in somebody elses house, Then I’m not getting yelled at for trying to ask him a simple question or getting the “look” for interrupting his focus on the game!
I think it would be different if the Super Bowl was really about football. It’s just not anymore. I hear more about Madonna and the half time show, the sneak peek at commercials than I do about the actual game. Most people I know just don’t care about the game itself, it’s just an excuse to have a party!
I like football tho not passionate about it. Tonight I’ll be the one at home catching up on all the shows I’ve Tivo’d over the past couple of weeks.
This is exactly why my husband and I are sitting here alone on the couch. I made him chili and Caesar salad. I am having a fruit smoothie.
We really do have friends, though. Really. And invitations too. But he will not tolerate any silliness henceforth. I am sitting in an assigned seat he is wearing exactly what he was wearing when they won the SB last time. Yes, this is a religious event Go Pats
This is a hilarious post, Ann. I so relate. I’ve just set up an eight-foot folding table in the TV room for the three men in my family but I’m going to be watching my movie upstairs.
I don’t know much about football either, but I will watch the game so when people say, “Did ya see the game?” I won’t have to lie. The commercials are fun.
I am laughing at your post because at this very moment, I am at a Super Bowl party while the hubby is upstairs in our hotel room
so he can watch the game.
Yes, Ann, it is. C’mon, you’re a HORSEwoman! You can do anything, so figuring out the essential mechanics of football should be no big deal. I could have cared less, but I grew up with a brother who was the quarterback of his high school team, so I had no choice but to watch football live and in-person…and basketball…whether or not I liked it. Still, combined with the strange appeal of Joe Namath and his white llama rug (appalling to me now, intriguing to me back then), made for an interesting time in the late 1960s, so watching football ceased to be a mystery of sport and more an exercise in man-watching. Worked for me. Maybe you should find a cute player one the Pats to watch, Ann. Denis won’t mind, I’m sure, and it’ll help make it more interesting for you…until, after an hour of big brutes beating up on each other trying to move a bit of pigskin back and forth on the gridiron, it isn’t. Then just go into the other room and tune in Downton Abbey…that’s Downton, not first down or touchdown…because, ultimately, watching Hugh Bonneville do anything at all is far more intriguing than anything Eli Manning or Tom Brady will do on the field of play.
Cheers!
Leslie, my mom dated Joe Namath…and met the rug. She said he had the same personality as the rug. Zzzz.
Fascinating, KC! I got over him fairly quickly, too. (The Fu-
Manchu mustache just wasn’t for me.)
KC, wait, WHAT? Your mom dated Joe Namath?
She sure did! And evidently he was very boring. Leslie – no idea he had a Fu Manchu – I only know him as the Flex-all 454 guy.
Oh, and my dad dated Susan Dey from the Partridge Familt.
KC,
too funny–and imagine my surprise at the ZZZZs
Excellent post. I ask hideous questions that exhaust my husband and sons to the point that they yell at me to go watch BRAVO. Football reminds me of the gladiators. Watch the Lions eat the Christians kids! Sitting in a room watching overly buffed men bang into each other until a few get carried out on gurneys. Fun! No, I think it’s time to find Carrie and the girls on the Sex Marathon.
Girlfriend I am right there with you and no, not even close to Thanksgiving. (but my husband LIVES for it)
PS: Love your blogs
I’m just watching because I’ve got money in the game.
I just saw Steven Tyler in the seats. Now, surely he doesn’t know anything about football,
Go PATGIANTS!
Actually, Steven is a huge Patriots fan and knows alot about football.
I am going to make Hubby read this one. He and Denis are one and the same when it comes to their football. Right now it’s a mix between the loudest clapping and hooting in the state or knee slapping and insults for the refs.
We’re a Giants household, so it’s been an all day event here. I made guacamole, then chili, and while Hubs watches the TV and eats, I just eat. And read a book. It works for us. And the last time the Giants won, I was working for them. If it’s any other team, I don’t care. But today, I care…enough to be in the same room!
Basketball is another story. I tolerate other sports, but draw the line at basketball on TV in my house. I can’t stand the squeaky shoes!
Last year my daughter and I were shopping at the mall when the game was on. NO ONE was at the mall except us and a few other women.
Tonight I had to run to the supermarket during the game. NO cars on the road….a few women in the store….and no lines at the check-out. I have to remember to run more errands on Super Bowl Sunday. I hate shopping but it is such a pleasure to shop when no one is in the store because everyone is watching the game.
PS Tell Meg I know someone who eats lasagna on Thanksgiving because they hate turkey. I know, I know! So un-American!
Pats play is pretty scary!! Think I can hear Denis yelling from here–no wait, that’s me.
After growing up ouside of Boston, I have to root for them. Went to a couple of their practices when I was a kid.
On one memorable day, the whole team came barreling out of the locker room, dressed for running, wearing tee shirts and shorts. I jumped off our narrow path in fear, almost tumbling onto the grass.
Those guys intimidated me more than the entire Budweiser Hitch!
Right now, they’d better show up for this game, ’cause they’ve got to play more than the three minutes before the halftime show.
If it makes you feel any better,I went to a Patriots Game because my boys needed a driver. The only part I enjoyed was the actual Patriot people with real muskets in the end zone shooting them off with every touchdown. I would have liked to be part of that!! I secretly hoped someone on the field would get hit with a musketball! The other part I was fascinated with was watching the camera above the field fly up and down the field. It was like where’s Waldo…..very difficult to find at times.
Ann, I wrote and worked out. I’m from Texas, and I know it’s sacreligious, but, really. Did watch Madonna, only because I happened to be making supper at the time. My facebook buddies said it was a good game, though.
I agree with Denis. If the Patriots and I mean the Patriots are playing any game, not just the superbowl but the game of the year.. I am there for the game and to watch and hear it. I hate when I have to hear the conversation and the rest that you mentioned. I understand the game only because I got my uncles to explain it to me and now I really love it. They’re of course my favorite because I’m from there and they’re an amazing team. I was dying watching them play today.. it was awful. At least it wasn’t by a huge margin though. The giants stink! They talk and they’re all feeling sorry for Peyton because his football career is now over for good because his surgery is not healing well..so it’s over for him. Oh well.. Brady is still the best quarterback out there.. and it makes five times they’ve made it to the superbowl and that’s why everyone has such animosity towards them.. They’re the best and they are a dynasty. It was a poorly played game unfortunately and I definitely know what a damn stroke feels like now. Watching that was painful. But I’ll always love them and there’s always next year. I hate the giants though. I always have ..not because of this but because I hate their smugness.
I grew up with a compulsive gambler for a parent. I heard “I am watching the game” more times in my life than I care to remember. As an adult I would much rather watch a movie.
Wow, that puts a whole extra layer on the thing, Gina. I imagine it was very fraught during game times in your house.
Ann- please apologize to Denis for me, apparently it was my fault that the Patriots lost. My 14 year old daughter decorated the house with all sorts of Patriots stuff – Tom Brady dolls, balls, Lombardi trophy, t-shirts, hats, etc. We don’t do it often because when we do, the Patriots lose. Yesterday was supposed to be different. Well, when the team was not doing well in the first half, my daughter in Boston called, all she said was “do you have stuff out?” – I said yes, “Put it away now” and hung up. We did and the team did so much better in the 2nd half. BUT, I forgot about the Patriots drinking glasses in the kitchen (the old ones you could get at the gas station) and they lost! My name is “mud” in my house now! So, Denis, I’m sorry! I know you really don’t care Ann
There’s always next year! (P.S. If you watch a game with Denis, he will have to attend a poetry reading with you!!)
Did you watch? did you try to learn some rules?
I did !! My first time ever. I grew up with my father, sports obsessed, in the Uk ppl leave the Christmas table to go to a game, That was my life. I hated sports for years hated it!
I came to the states fell in Love with Baseball, but that was enough for me just baseball……. until Mark said last night, i will teach you the rules, I was addicted in 5 mins ! Just what i need!!!! UGH!
I am the same way as Denis hate to watch my games with a crowd of people as my concentration is on the game…nothing else……
I understand football but I just don’t have a love of it. Neither does my husband, thank goodness. Yesterday we took our little family out to Muir Woods National Park. It was great weather, not crowded (most of the people there appeared to be tourists), and traffic going and returning was very light.
Now baseball is a different story- Spring Training is right around the corner!
Pitchers and catchers in about two weeks. Woo hoo!
All I can say is, thank God for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime.
Your sister may know football better than you do, but I would bet you know your own husband better than she does. The thing is, I suspect the kind of person that avoids Superbowl parties in order to be able to pay attention to every detail of the game would be the kind of person who might get annoyed when someone who barely knows or cares about football joined them to watch the game in a serious/supportive mode if that well-intentioned person might have trouble refraining from asking questions (what was that flag for? why didn’t the clock stop at the end of that play? what is an eligible receiver?…) Perhaps that annoyance would be magnified by at least one order of magnitude when *your* team is in the championship game. Perhaps the time to do the serious/supportive watching is a preseason game or a game when *your* team is playing the lowest ranked team in the league, to test out the experience before jumping into Superbowl cowatching. YMMV
I’m with your sister. The Super Bowl is not about football, it’s about family and friends sharing a mega event. We used to do this on Sunday night watching Ed Sullivan, but opportunities such as these are few and far between today. Our parents may not have understood Beattlemania, but at least they could see teens everywhere seem to react the same way.
Some 111 million people watched the Super Bowl — one-third of the country — so you might want to be part of that because people are going to be talking about it for a while. If you don’t care for football, as I don’t, watch the commercials because people will be talking about them for a while as well.
And there is always celebrity news. Why would anyone want to miss Gisele saying “My husband cannot ******* throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time!” So true.
But if you are attached to someone who is passionate about football and THEIR team is in the Super Bowl, you want to be there to share their joy/pain. But I agree with ochnas2 too. A quiet empathy without a lot of questions is the order of the day. It’s just as if your daughter was passionate about competitive knitting. You may think it is boring to watch people knit fast, but you would go or watch, cos it was important to your daughter and besides how long can a competition like that last?
I am SOOO lucky. My boyfriend is not a big football fan–he watches it because it is a guy thing–so he doesn’t really care. And his cousins have a guys only Super Bowl party which makes total sense to me. They play poker, eat and drink too much, and, I’m sure, there’s a lot of farting going on.
I, on the other hand, bring my knitting, meet some friends at a bar and watch a little bit of the game, eat some chicken wings and go home and enjoy having the whole house to myself for a few hours.
It’s a win-win.
I was a bartender for about 24 yrs. For me, you definitely wanted to work super bowl because you went home with mega tips! But my job was to make sure everyone had drinks so my back was to the TV….I never SAW Super Bowl until I stopped tending bar! My husband does not watch football religiously like he did years ago so it’s not a big deal to him. I do understand the game…(finally)… and for the most part, what my husband and I both enjoy is the atmosphere of friends and family having a reason to get together…but if it’s a team i’m really pulling for..(CHICAGO BEARS…ok, I know, they have not won for a while..)I get so into it that i’m TOO into it..feel like I’m going to go into heart failure…and then I’m not having fun anymore. Whether it’s Super Bowl, the World Series, the NBA playoffs…I mainly want to see the last 5 minutes of the game. The scenario is usually this: The guys are glued to the TV in the living room and they are in serious game mode… the ladies are usually in the kitchen talking and if there is a TV in the kitchen, the game is on but the volume is down. Somehow…this set up seems to work for everybody! Go in the kitchen if you want to talk….go in the living room if you are there to WATCH THE GAME….and for petes sake… just don’t mix the two!!